This is what I remember.
That morning in the country, the wild flowers were so full, so colored.That sky was so blue, the clouds so deep, I felt myself reaching towards them while the trees darkened the grass beside me, as if I could grab one and press the softness of it into my cheek.
I remember seeing the mountains, so indistinct, fading into a blueness in the background. Their peaks so close in height to their troughs, they looked a small thing, just a zigzag in the distance. The sun was shining down on my hair, the high grass tickling my legs. It was the kind of summer days you dream about.
I remember sitting down and picking the grass, stripping the thickness apart, then throwing the pieces in the air, and laughing. The pieces descended quietly, like feathers, back and forth, floating, like a hammock. And I lay back and felt the sun warm my face, the heat like a blanket.
I watched you come out our back door, smiling, your face colored in by the same happiness than adorned the landscape around us. I remember you meeting me halfway in a hug, telling me in that sweet high singsong voice of yours we were going to the lakeside that day. And I almost felt like things were normal.
That morning you made my favorite breakfast. It turns out you probably knew that it would be the last one you made for me. And I would never know.That syrup was so soft, so sweet, the pancakes melting into my mouth.
And then I heard you calling, your voice trailing from outside to where was at, telling me we were leaving.
And we started. I could see you catching your breath, gasping for air even as we walked the short distance to the lake.
And while I see the lake come closer to us, I see you are not well off. You were wheezing. Your face, so pale. And I remember the water was sparkling, and the butterflies fluttering from flower to flower. The scene was idealistic.
Then you knelt down in the grass, and let a butterfly fly to your finger. And you brought that butterfly up to my hands, and let it drop. And then you smiled, and slowly, you fell backward. I almost went to help you up, but then I saw that glassy look in your eyes. And then I knew. I could not stop the tears.With the tears there were huge, hacking coughs. No matter what I tried, I could not stop. I knew you died happy. But it did not help. It did not.
I knelt down and kissed you goodbye. And you were almost alive to me again, putting through my mind images of times that were happy, images of times that we shared together.
And I stopped crying.@*