第 60 章
伊莉莎白馬上又高興得頑皮起來了，她要達西先生講一講愛上她的經過。她問：”你是怎樣走第一步的？我知道你只要走了第一步，就會一路順風往前走去；可是，你最初怎麼會轉這個念頭的？”
”我也說不準究竟是在什麼時間，什麼地點，看見了你什麼樣的風姿，聽到了你什麼樣的談吐，便使我開始愛上了你。那是好久以前的事。等我發覺我自己開始愛上你的時候，我已經走了一半路了。”
”我的美貌並沒有打動你的心；講到我的態度方面，我對你至少不是怎麼有禮貌，我沒有哪一次同你說話不是想要叫你難過一下。請你老老實實說一聲，你是不是愛我的唐突無禮？”
”我愛你的腦子靈活。”
”你還不如說是唐突，十足唐突。事實上是因為，你對於殷勤多禮的客套，已經感到膩煩。天下有種女人，她們無論是說話、思想、表情，都只是為了博得你稱讚一聲，你對這種女人已經覺得討厭。我所以會引起你的注目，打動了你的心，就因為我不像她們。如果你不是一個真正可愛的人，你一定會恨我這種地方；可是，儘管你想盡辦法來遮掩你自己，你的情感畢竟是高貴的、正確的、你心目中根本看不起那些拚命向你獻媚的人。我這樣一說，你就可以不必費神去解釋了；我通盤考慮了一下，覺得你的愛完全合情合理。老實說，你完全沒有想到我有什麼實在的長處；不過，隨便什麼人，在戀愛的時候，也都不會想到這種事情。”
”當初吉英在尼日斐花園病了，你對她那樣溫柔體貼，不正是你的長處嗎？”
”吉英真是太好了！誰能不好好地待她？你姑且就把這件事當做我的德性吧。我一切優美的品質都全靠你誇獎，你愛怎麼說就怎麼說吧；我可只知道找機會來嘲笑你，跟你爭論；我馬上就開始這樣做，聽我問你：你為什麼總是不願意直捷爽快地談到正題？你第一次上這兒來拜訪，第二次在這兒吃飯，為什麼見到我就害臊？尤其是你來拜訪的那一次，你為什麼顯出那副神氣，好象完全不把我擺在心上似的？”
”因為你那樣板起了臉，一言不發，使得我不敢和你攀談。”
”可是我覺得難為情呀。”
”我也一樣。”
”那麼，你來吃飯的那一次，也可以跟我多談談嘍。”
”要是愛你愛得少些，話就可以說得多些了。”
”真不湊巧，你的回答總是這樣有道理，我又偏偏這樣懂道理，會承認你這個回答！我想，要是我不來理你，你不知要拖到什麼時候；要是我不問你一聲，不知你什麼時候才肯說出來。這都是因為我拿定了主意，要感謝你對麗迪雅的好處，這才促成了這件事。我怕促成得太厲害了；如果說，我們是因為打破了當初的諾言，才獲得了目前的快慰，那在道義上怎麼說得過去？我實在不應該提起那件事的。實在是大錯特錯。”
”你不用難過。道義上完全講得過去。咖苔琳夫人蠻不講理。想要拆散我們，這反而使我消除了種種疑慮。我並不以為目前的幸福，都是出於你對我的一片感恩圖報之心。我本來就不打算等你先開口。我一聽到我姨母的話，便產生了希望，於是決定要立刻把事情弄個清楚明白。”
”咖苔琳夫人倒幫了極大的忙，她自己也應該高興，因為她喜歡幫人家的忙。可是請你告訴我，你這次上尼日斐花園來是幹什麼的？難道就是為了騎著馬到浪搏恩來難為情一番嗎？你不沒有預備要做出些正經大事來呢？”
”我上這兒來的真正目的，就是為了看看你。如果可能的話，我還要想法子研究研究，是否有希望使你愛上我。至於在別人面前，在我自己心裏，我總是說，是為了看看你姐姐對彬格萊是否依然有情，我就決計把這事的原委向他說明。”
”你有沒有勇氣把咖苔琳夫人的自討沒趣，向她自己宣佈一遍？”
”我並不是沒有勇氣，而是沒有時間，伊莉莎白。可是這件事是應該要做的；如果你給我一張紙，我馬上就來做。”
”要不是我自己有封信要寫，我一定會象另外一位年輕的小姐一樣，坐在你身旁欣賞你那工整的書法。可惜我也有一位舅母，再不能不回信給她了。”
且說前些時候，舅母過高地估計了伊莉莎白和達西先生的交情，伊莉莎白又不願意把事情向舅母說明白，因此嘉丁納太太寫來的那封長信一直還沒有回答，現在有了這個可喜的消息告訴她，她一定會喜歡，可是伊莉莎白倒覺得，讓舅父母遲了三天才知道這個消息，真有些不好意思。她馬上寫道；──
親愛的舅母，蒙你寫給我那封親切而令人滿意的長信，告訴了我種種詳情細節，本當早日回信道謝，無奈我當時實在情緒不佳，因而不願意動筆。你當時所想像的情況，實在有些過甚其辭。可是現在，你大可愛怎麼想就怎麼想了。關於這件事，你可以放縱你的幻想，想到哪里就是哪里，只要你不以為我已經結了婚，你總不會猜想得太過分。你得馬上再寫封信來把他讚美一番，而且要讚美得大大超過你上一封信。我要多謝你沒有帶我到湖區去旅行。我真傻，為什麼到湖區去呢？你說要弄幾匹小馬去遊園，這個打算可真有意思。今後我們便可以每天在那個園裏兜圈子了。我現在成了天下最幸福的人。也許別人以前也說過這句話，可是誰也不能象我這樣名副其實。我甚至比吉英還要幸福；她只是莞爾微笑，我卻縱聲大笑。達西先生分一部分愛我之心問候你。歡迎你們到彭伯裏來耶誕節。──你的甥女。（下略）
達西先生寫給咖苔琳夫人的信，格調和這封信不一樣，而班納特先生寫給柯林斯先生的軹，和這兩封信又是全不相同。
賢侄先生左右：我得麻煩你再恭賀我一次。伊莉莎白馬上就要做達西夫人了。請多多勸慰咖苔琳夫人。要是我處在你的地位，我一定要站在姨侄一邊，因為他可以給人更大的利益。
愚某手上
彬格萊小姐祝賀哥快要結婚的那封信，寫得無限親切，只可惜缺乏誠意。她甚至還寫信給吉英道賀，又把從前那一套假仁假義的話重提了一遍。吉英雖然再也不受她蒙蔽，可仍然為她感動；雖說對她不再信任，可還是回了她一封信，措辭極其親切，實在使她受之有愧。
達西小姐來信上說，她接到喜訊時，正和她哥哥發出喜訊時一樣歡欣。那封信寫了四張信紙，還不足以表達她內心的喜悅，不足以表明她是怎樣懇切地盼望著嫂嫂會疼愛她。
柯林斯先生的回信還沒有來，伊莉莎白也還沒有獲得柯林斯太太的祝賀，這時候浪搏恩全家卻聽說他們夫婦倆馬上要到盧家莊來。他們突然動身前來的原因，是很容易明白的。原來咖苔琳夫人接到她姨侄那封信，大發雷霆，而夏綠蒂對這門婚事偏偏非常欣喜，因此不得不火速避開一下，等到這場暴風雨過去了以後再說。對伊莉莎白說來，在這樣的佳期，自己的好朋友來了，真是一件無上愉快的事，只可惜等到見了面，看到柯林斯先生對達西那種極盡巴結阿諛的樣子，便不免認為這種愉快有些得不償失。不過達西卻非常鎮定地容忍著。還有威廉盧卡斯爵士，他恭維達西獲得了當地最寶貴的明珠，而且還恭而敬之地說，希望今後能常在宮中見面。達西先生甚至連這些話也聽得進去，直到威廉爵士走開以後，他方才聳了聳肩。
還有腓力普太太，她為人很粗俗，也許會叫達西更加受不了。腓力普太太正象她姐姐一樣，見到彬格萊先生那麼和顏悅色，於是攀談起來很是隨便，而對達西則敬畏備至，不敢隨便，可是她的出言吐語總還是免不了粗俗。雖說她因為尊敬達西而很少跟達西說話，可是她並不因此而顯得舉止文雅一些。伊莉莎白為了不讓達西受到這些人的糾纏，便竭力使他跟她自己談話，跟她家裏那些不會使他受罪的人談話。雖然這一番應酬大大減少了戀愛的樂趣，可是卻促進了她對未來生活的期望，她一心盼望趕快離開這些討厭的人物，到彭伯裏去，和他一家人在一起，舒舒服服過一輩子風雅有趣的生活。
Chapter 60
ELIZABETH’S spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Mr. Darcy to account for his having ever fallen in love with her. “How could you begin?” said she. “I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?”
“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”
“My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my manners — my behaviour to you was at least always bordering on the uncivil, and I never spoke to you without rather wishing to give you pain than not. Now be sincere; did you admire me for my impertinence?”
“For the liveliness of your mind, I did.”
“You may as well call it impertinence at once. It was very little less. The fact is, that you were sick of civility, of deference, of officious attention. You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking, and looking, and thinking for your approbation alone. I roused, and interested you, because I was so unlike them. Had you not been really amiable, you would have hated me for it; but in spite of the pains you took to disguise yourself, your feelings were always noble and just; and in your heart, you thoroughly despised the persons who so assiduously courted you. There — I have saved you the trouble of accounting for it; and really, all things considered, I begin to think it perfectly reasonable. To be sure, you knew no actual good of me — but nobody thinks of that when they fall in love.”
“Was there no good in your affectionate behaviour to Jane while she was ill at Netherfield?”
“Dearest Jane! who could have done less for her? But make a virtue of it by all means. My good qualities are under your protection, and you are to exaggerate them as much as possible; and, in return, it belongs to me to find occasions for teazing and quarrelling with you as often as may be; and I shall begin directly by asking you what made you so unwilling to come to the point at last. What made you so shy of me, when you first called, and afterwards dined here? Why, especially, when you called, did you look as if you did not care about me?”
“Because you were grave and silent, and gave me no encouragement.”
“But I was embarrassed.”
“And so was I.”
“You might have talked to me more when you came to dinner.”
“A man who had felt less, might.”
“How unlucky that you should have a reasonable answer to give, and that I should be so reasonable as to admit it! But I wonder how long you would have gone on, if you had been left to yourself. I wonder when you would have spoken, if I had not asked you! My resolution of thanking you for your kindness to Lydia had certainly great effect. Too much, I am afraid; for what becomes of the moral, if our comfort springs from a breach of promise? for I ought not to have mentioned the subject. This will never do.”
“You need not distress yourself. The moral will be perfectly fair. Lady Catherine’s unjustifiable endeavours to separate us were the means of removing all my doubts. I am not indebted for my present happiness to your eager desire of expressing your gratitude. I was not in a humour to wait for any opening of your’s. My aunt’s intelligence had given me hope, and I was determined at once to know every thing.”
“Lady Catherine has been of infinite use, which ought to make her happy, for she loves to be of use. But tell me, what did you come down to Netherfield for? Was it merely to ride to Longbourn and be embarrassed? or had you intended any more serious consequence?”
“My real purpose was to see you, and to judge, if I could, whether I might ever hope to make you love me. My avowed one, or what I avowed to myself, was to see whether your sister were still partial to Bingley, and if she were, to make the confession to him which I have since made.”
“Shall you ever have courage to announce to Lady Catherine what is to befall her?”
“I am more likely to want more time than courage, Elizabeth. But it ought to done, and if you will give me a sheet of paper, it shall be done directly.”
“And if I had not a letter to write myself, I might sit by you and admire the evenness of your writing, as another young lady once did. But I have an aunt, too, who must not be longer neglected.”
From an unwillingness to confess how much her intimacy with Mr. Darcy had been over-rated, Elizabeth had never yet answered Mrs. Gardiner’s long letter; but now, having that to communicate which she knew would be most welcome, she was almost ashamed to find that her uncle and aunt had already lost three days of happiness, and immediately wrote as follows:
“I would have thanked you before, my dear aunt, as I ought to have done, for your long, kind, satisfactory, detail of particulars; but to say the truth, I was too cross to write. You supposed more than really existed. But now suppose as much as you chuse; give a loose to your fancy, indulge your imagination in every possible flight which the subject will afford, and unless you believe me actually married, you cannot greatly err. You must write again very soon, and praise him a great deal more than you did in your last. I thank you, again and again, for not going to the Lakes. How could I be so silly as to wish it! Your idea of the ponies is delightful. We will go round the Park every day. I am the happiest creature in the world. Perhaps other people have said so before, but not one with such justice. I am happier even than Jane; she only smiles, I laugh. Mr. Darcy sends you all the love in the world that he can spare from me. You are all to come to Pemberley at Christmas. Your’s, &c.”
Mr. Darcy’s letter to Lady Catherine was in a different style; and still different from either was what Mr. Bennet sent to Mr. Collins, in reply to his last.
“DEAR SIR,
I must trouble you once more for congratulations. Elizabeth will soon be the wife of Mr. Darcy. Console Lady Catherine as well as you can. But, if I were you, I would stand by the nephew. He has more to give.
Your’s sincerely, &c.”
Miss Bingley’s congratulations to her brother, on his approaching marriage, were all that was affectionate and insincere. She wrote even to Jane on the occasion, to express her delight, and repeat all her former professions of regard. Jane was not deceived, but she was affected; and though feeling no reliance on her, could not help writing her a much kinder answer than she knew was deserved.
The joy which Miss Darcy expressed on receiving similar information, was as sincere as her brother’s in sending it. Four sides of paper were insufficient to contain all her delight, and all her earnest desire of being loved by her sister.
Before any answer could arrive from Mr. Collins, or any congratulations to Elizabeth from his wife, the Longbourn family heard that the Collinses were come themselves to Lucas lodge. The reason of this sudden removal was soon evident. Lady Catherine had been rendered so exceedingly angry by the contents of her nephew’s letter, that Charlotte, really rejoicing in the match, was anxious to get away till the storm was blown over. At such a moment, the arrival of her friend was a sincere pleasure to Elizabeth, though in the course of their meetings she must sometimes think the pleasure dearly bought, when she saw Mr. Darcy exposed to all the parading and obsequious civility of her husband. He bore it, however, with admirable calmness. He could even listen to Sir William Lucas, when he complimented him on carrying away the brightest jewel of the country, and expressed his hopes of their all meeting frequently at St. James’s, with very decent composure. If he did shrug his shoulders, it was not till Sir William was out of sight.
Mrs. Philips’s vulgarity was another, and perhaps a greater, tax on his forbearance; and though Mrs. Philips, as well as her sister, stood in too much awe of him to speak with the familiarity which Bingley’s good humour encouraged, yet, whenever she did speak, she must be vulgar. Nor was her respect for him, though it made her more quiet, at all likely to make her more elegant. Elizabeth did all she could to shield him from the frequent notice of either, and was ever anxious to keep him to herself, and to those of her family with whom he might converse without mortification; and though the uncomfortable feelings arising from all this took from the season of courtship much of its pleasure, it added to the hope of the future; and she looked forward with delight to the time when they should be removed from society so little pleasing to either, to all the comfort and elegance of their family party at Pemberley.
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